That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Help. Why am I so naked?
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