Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
