You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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