Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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