Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
