We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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