My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do vagina's smell?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
