there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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