Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
