shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
There are leaves in my underwear?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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