My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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