i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
