Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Found your dick twin last night
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
