Where did you get a picture of my penis
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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