i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
