every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
