it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
