Can i not drive my cunt home
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
