No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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