Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
