Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
