my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
