u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
her vagine was all disorganized.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
