I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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