I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
