I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
