Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
