Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
