she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
