why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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