Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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