Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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