I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
