I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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