now i know why i became what i already was.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
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I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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