I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
