he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
