How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
