Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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