Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
