I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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