Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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