when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
