One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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