I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I checked into jail on foursquare
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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