i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
