You're completely useless in the revolution.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
