Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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