"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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