I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
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Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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