Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
