the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap