It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?