HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away