i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
