She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
