Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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