my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
