dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
