You're completely useless in the revolution.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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