I'm really into asian looking animals
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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