how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
