dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
time to smoke my breakfast
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
