I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
