Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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