i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
