Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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